WordPress flung a new writing challenge at our feet this week, called Easy As Pie. I took a good long look at that gauntlet, and determined that it doesn’t fit. Besides, I don’t wear gauntlets – they clash with my shabby-chic-chick look.
Anyway – who says pies are easy? Not me! I’ve tried making them – pitiful. My pie-crust dough usually ends life as a tortilla. Note to self: pie crust does not need kneaded as much as tortillas need kneaded. Pie crust makers do not need kneed either, as a rule, to learn this lesson – but that’s a story best saved for another day. Today I want to tell you all I’ve learned about the proper assembly of a pie so that it’s easy as pie.
First, make sure you are actually making a pie and not a tortilla. Check your recipe. Does it say pie? Then you’re ready.
Second, check to make sure your ingredients are pie-worthy. Do you have fruit, sugar, butter, flour, shortening, salt, and aspirin? On with the show, then!
Find an empty pot and throw in some fruit, sugar, butter, and whatever else you have on the counter that looks like it would make a good pie. Cook for awhile over low heat – a hibachi on the ground in the back yard is pretty low. If the pot gets boiling mad, then that’s a little too long. Clean up the mess, take the aspirin with a large glass of water, grab a cup of coffee and a good book, and after 30 minutes or so, start over. Gather up more fruit, sugar, and butter – and this time, leave out that stuff on the counter. That’s probably what made the first batch so mad.
Oh – I forgot about the flour, shortening, and salt! Well, those have to be tossed together in some form or fashion to make the crust. Start by grabbing a handful of flour. If that doesn’t look like enough, grab a second handful. When both hands are full, figure out how to get a bowl down from the cupboard to put it in – because I forgot to tell you to get it down before you started. Oops!
Now, put everything in the bowl (which you have, in the meantime, figured out how to get out of the cupboard). You may need to encourage the ingredients to participate at this point, since they weren’t consulted at the beginning. Sometimes that shortening can be . . . well . . . short. Got their go-ahead? Well then – go ahead, make pie crust!